Dancing in the moonlight

coming of age.......

2006-02-15T16:45:00.000+09:00

one more candle........
one more year...........
it feels weird saying that"i'm 20, not 18, not 19 but yeah, I'm 20"!

I hope I'm older but wiser,,, there are things that I learned during my 20-year long life..here goes:

1. Rise each time you fall.
2. The things you are afraid of are usually the most worthwhile.
3. things take time to happen...no need to be in a hurry.
4. Nothing in life can ever be perfect..ever!
5. There will always be someone whom you can spend so much time on nothingness with.
6. Your family will always back you up, no matter what.
7. sometimes you have to hit rock bottom to realize the things that you're missing.
8.time after time, it's good to trust your intuition.Nothing like it.
9.Sometimes,THE ONE, will get lost along the way..........wait!
10.It's good to spend time with yourself...for all you know, you are such a blast.

third time...is the shhhhhhhhhhhh

2006-01-04T17:04:00.001+09:00

first: inside the classroom
second : on a crowded mall
third: along dapitan
three times is too much....whoever did this, bless y'all!
Yes, in a span of 2 years it happened thrice! I totally lost it......
The last time was the worst because I am left with nothing, and after that some loser tried to trick me into giving him more than what I should, taking into point that I have NOTHING!

Yes.......I lost my wallet again....... have to replace everything that is importan, everything that is in there. start from scratch! Gosh, why do peolple do that?!!!!!!!

third time...is the shhhhhhhhhhhh

2006-01-04T17:04:00.000+09:00

coming of age.......

2005-12-28T00:58:00.000+09:00

no. not me...

2005-11-05T19:46:00.000+09:00

talk about what a tv "appearance" can do...ugghhhh!
haha, that was fun...and now they more reasons to mock me...

the becoming...

2005-10-23T22:30:00.000+09:00

I haven't opened a paint and stroked a brush in long time. The smell of it and the satisfaction of getting the right color, executing the concept excatly the way that you have in your head lets you give out big smile. And today I just did.. I was thinking of giving the canvass that I made, to someone. I sketch, I stroked, look at the picture, stroked again, combined the right color, look at it again and comes the end of the rhytym of the brush in unison with the canvas.. I thought it was good, no, great just as I pictured it..
Literally: It was a girl holding a jar full of water and lilies. She was picking up some more lilies on the other side completely ignoring the lilies that she already have, so the lilies on the jar spilled....
Figuratively: The girl ignored what she already have in the desire to get some more of what she wanted. in the end losing both, what a waste?
I thought about it over and over: Should I give it to him? Would it be too corny? Would I look to preachy? Is this me or some emo-person has gotten into me? In the end, the choice was obvious...I'll just wait...for now that canvas will stay at the dusty corner of my room..

on a rainy day.......

2005-10-17T19:03:00.000+09:00

I am home with nothing left to do.... sembreak just started, I can finally breath now! This leaves me the time to think of the days ahead.........sigh, time flies quickly just one semester and I'm out of UST. No professors, no quizzes and no project deadlines....I should be happy but I'm not, oh this sonds like a graduation speech....
In a few days I'll be starting my internship, that should get my hands full.. OMG! I can't imagine going through this: real office work, older people around, a new environment and being bosed around. I hope it'll not be as bad as i think it is. You know, stories of doing nothing but photocopying, making coffee and removing chads from papers! I hope people there would be nice. I feel like a high school student in the summertime, anticipating the year ahead thinking who would her seatmate be and thinking of things to do to please everyone... and I hate it! But it's comfort nonetheless, knowing that there are good and bad possibilities... Maybe I'll just resort to being myself and doing my best... Well, we'll see!

Permission to Act Wasted!

2005-10-04T18:01:00.000+09:00

THESIS!
A whole semester of preparation paid off today.. My group's thesis defense was over and it was relatively smooth...
We prepared for it but not really PREPARED for it...it's not easy to start anything when we feel we're not pressed for time...figure it out...Still, I think it was a success..MAJOR! Minimal revision, good comments, a lot of affirmation and smart answers.
With thesis, teaching demo, seminar and salesblitz over and just a humanities play lurking on the horizon, I am left with only a few days of living a life of a my-hands-are-full-can't handle-all-this-work student. I feel sad and happy that my academic load will all be over and I'll be having my internship. well, just have to wait and see.....

2005-09-25T22:23:00.000+09:00

I did a good deed today!
I was a part of an outreach activity conducted by UST's COM-ACH..
the location: Sitio Haduan, Pampanga
the challenge: an uphill trek to get to the location
the activity: to teach aeta children and entertain them at the same time
the verdict:loads of fun and very rewarding
When I learned that I'm tasked to teach the children much more head the teaching committee, I felt it was a burden,an extra work that I should get away from. But fortunately I let my good judgement rule and push through with my task. The steep uphill trek and crossing the long hanging bridge proved to be more of a challenge than dealing with the kids. They made the moment light and easy. I can see it in their eyes that they are interested and anxious that we are with them even for this day alone. Well, an experience to remember may be I'll be back for the next one.....

Salesblitz! 1

2005-09-18T23:18:00.001+09:00

Ahhhhhhhh...the perks of being a tourism student, you have excuses to travel. After a Puerto Galera rsearch comes Pangasinan......

My classmates and I got back from the 2 day Pangasinan trip yesterday. it was a looong ride..7 hours of sleeping in the car, staring into space and discussing non-sense things but the ride was worth it. We stayed at Puerto del Sol, a close-to-being-high-end resort. It was beautiful and comfortable. Wonder why peolple don't flock to this place.

We are doing this for a marketimg class, an annual event called THE salesblitz. Well everbody seems to be preparing for it, why shouldn't we? Yes, all of my groupmates went save from 3 others. But it was still fun. a lot of activities in store: courtesy call (VIPs!), cave tour, rock formation(Nina's video shoot location), AVP shoot(hope it'll work) and a lot of giddiness.........

When it was all over, all we could do is to believe that we had done our best and that nothing will go wrong, like we are on top of our game...I hope it'll work! Goodluck group1!
Now, get back to work y'all!

you still don't have a clue!

2005-08-22T18:58:00.000+09:00

I was muddle of emotion today... One minute I was singing happily to the new song I heard, the next a tear fell from my eye because someone brushed my hurt ego. i don't know if it was intentional or not. If she was insensitive or not. If she was friend because she only needed my help. Ah, friendship can be seen in the simplest of event and in the small gesture one has to make. Today, she failed to show that or i'm just blind that she always fails to show that. I don't know if I'm exaggerating what happened, but i was not someone who turns into a ball of emotion. Today those tears fell involuntarily maybe I got hurt, even I don't know myself...Maybe I never felt or seen it becuse the cut was not on the surface, maybe it was deep. I don't need to hear her side of the story, I saw what she did or what she didin't do.

Question: Is the " I believe you can do it", " you have talent, get out of your shell", " ikaw pa", I need your help, kaw kasi magaling dito eh"......are all those statements that she once said, are they all big fat lies?! I thought she was one of those people who believes in me. She let me down, she acted as if we left her if she needed company, as if I turned her down every single time.

I think she still doesn't know what she inflicted. I think she doesn't know that she caused me pain. She doesn't know that I'll never look at her the same way again. Maybe its better that way but for me it'll never be the same......

Sister

2005-08-16T22:54:00.000+09:00

Today is my sister's 18th birthday.. I got this post from a term paper we were asked to write for our marriage and family class. I wrote a paragraph to describe my sister and our relationship, this is how it went :

My sister Mae, the middle child, always wanted to grow up too fast and be on her own. Sometimes a bit complicated and hard to understand,often gets in my nerves. We have our share of fights: over food, clothes, tv shows and all that stuff but eventually we both grew up, matured and everything evens out. When we had stopped acting like kids, we both discovered that we really liked each other and got along and could tell each other things. My sister is now one of my best friends, my critic, the keeper of some of my deepest secrets. I love her, in that complex, love-hate way that sisters do. Who else is so easy to love? She is a part of my life, a choice and a chance.

Happy Birthday...Now that you're 18. You'll understand more of me...hahaha, I hope so............

General Assembly..........

2005-07-30T10:54:00.000+09:00

General assembly are supposed to be general? huh?
Today, was COMACH's general assembly... Nothing much happened..only a few was present..still it was fun.. but it could have been better..

I had my graduation picture taken today..is it a curse? I never had a graduation picture which looks good.. I didn't like everything and yet I didn't complain..........because i was too lazy... everybody's gonna forget about it anyways..... That's the thing with this pictures and yearbooks, they laugh at it for a moment and forget about it the next...no worries..

Monumental

2005-07-27T10:44:00.000+09:00

It pays to be early!

As usual I was late, this time for an ushering event... It was Fray Benavidez's 4th Centennial death anniversary.. 4oo years after your death and people still rememeber you?! Of course he's an important figure, THE founder of UST..
Anyhow, I took a cab to go to the venue which is Intramuros because I miss the service, yep, because i was late. I missed breakfast, yep, because I was late, I was not in a corporate attire, yep, because i prepared late...

The event was pretty tiring, standing running around, attending to guests and being frantic and all these have to be done with a smile.. =) What a day!

Puerto Galera Diaries

2005-07-24T19:45:00.000+09:00

ken, kim, charm, joy, mitzy.....pretty girls on a row!
don't I just love my name?!

kim and charm

Kim and ken..another pictorial seession...
kim...on thinking deep....
Crashing with the waves....

Needles to say, we enjoyed Puerto Galera!
Puerto was beautiful! It took my hear away....hahaha!
Watch out for the 2nd escapade.........

Ironic

2005-07-22T15:23:00.000+09:00

I'm headed for Puerto Galera tom. I'm kindda apprehensive about this trip..it's raining hard for whoever's sake, i don't wanna drown to death...okay, I'm only exaggerating.. but i'm a litle excited though (first time)... Beach on a rainy season..hhhmmm nice!

Pictures soon....definitely!

Isn't funny the truth sounds different?

2005-07-18T19:28:00.000+09:00

"Are you happy right now?" Nate asked me. I was stunned, I said maybe, or I can't really feel it like I used to feel it. Confusing, but there came a moment of ephipany: the truth sounds different..I am not happy because I forgot things that I used to enjoy..........maybe in time I'll have the zest to be me once again, but not right now.I'm just full of crap right now, let it be for the moment.............I just hope my not being happy ain't contagious, my dear friends.

I forgot.............

Somewhere between the idle moments I forgot how to write, and how to let my imagination run free. to me everything is very predictable. i forgot how to go to extremes. i forgot how i love coffee, and the color purple. i forgot how i used to breathe the air of the late night, the breeze in the morning.i forgot how to laugh so hard, and not care what others think about it...and how i kissed with the passion that he couldn't resist. i forgot everything that i was. realizing every bit of these things makes me realize that i am not happy, not that i'm sad and dull, it's just that I'm not happy. i forgot how to be me. help me remember things that i know.... gedem it! this is such a sad post..this is how I feel.....

2005-07-09T23:30:00.000+09:00

Go Uste!!!!!!
I was at the UAAP openning today....we lost...that's all...lights off....!

3 days and 2 nights..................................

2005-07-07T22:57:00.000+09:00

I had fun during the retreat. Let me share some thoughts:

The more pain your heart can handle the more joy it can contain....just read it somewhere, can't rememrber but it's engrave in my mind.

Retreat was over. It was what I expected, renewal, rest, bonding and a chance to reconcile. It feels like a preparation for the real life ahead of me. There were no aspects of turning back it is all about moving forward. knowing what you want out of life and knowing who's with you while you are at it.

It just amazed me, why only on moments like this that people who have gaps try to mend the rift between them. Is it that genuine if it happens that way? You could see outburst of emotions, tears overflowing, hugs all around...it feels good but is it just for the moment?

Calereuga was beautiful. it took my heart..nature was a gift.nature was a beautiful.

I realized that I am a good company to myself. No, I am a blast!!!!!!!!!!!

Credits to YeL for the pictures!

Just a ThoUgHt!

2005-07-02T17:22:00.000+09:00

I had dinner with a few friends last night. Chatted over coffee, recall funny things we said or did. Then I realized i hadn't share one bit of my life since we last saw each other. These bits are, i guess significant, it's not that it's life changing or threathening, it just changed a fracion of my old self although to many may seem unnoticable. Just as I was about to blurt out" alam nyo ba?" I held back myself and resorted to listening to Nate's blabbing.
I realized that maybe I have to keep it to myself.To hold it back in because I might get drain and they might sway my perspective. When you constantly live your life blabbing random, stupid things that you see, hear and feel..nothing's left for you. So next time save some things for yourself, you will find yourself smiling when you recall these instances and you'll be glad you only share it with you........just a thought!

Why can't we just get over this?

2005-06-28T19:26:00.000+09:00

Why can't we just get over this?
We, yes all of us has the tendency to cling and endlessly hope that everything will still be the same.
My day started well,the usual: mind occupied with random matters, feet tired of walking around, eyes staring into blank spaces, hands holding school paper and heart feeling nothing.
I should be somewhere else but i still took the time to have lunch with Weng,Jenilin and Charm. W e parted ways, I thought I am on my walk to the booth but i took a turn and had a walk down memory lane. I saw him once again. I thought twice if I should call him or smile at him, but I walked past him hoping he didn't see me. 30 seconds later he was calling my name.He told me that he saw me but hesitated to say hi but he just couldn't let go of this rare serendipitious meeting.
It's been months since we last saw each other. We parted on a relatively painless way, but the after effect was hurtful. I must admit i missed him. I have loved this person, while my love was true and deep his was full of lies and yet i couldn't let go.
I stared and smiled at him while he talks. The only that I said was "ok lang", "it's nice to here that", "no i'm not with anyone", bye, i have to do something doon".....His was the face that I remember when I see someone shooting hoops, when I see someone fidgeting on his seat, when i see some guy dancing on a noisy bar...why can't I just get over this.
I walked away: mind occupied with memories,feet not knowing where to go, eyes staring at blank spaces,hands in idle mode, and heart asking why can't i get over this?! What's with him that makes me cling? Why do I still care when I know he's off somewhere without me? When he chose a "better life" away from me? Arrrrghhhhhh....I'm such a sap it kills me!

not again?!

2005-06-25T05:55:00.001+09:00

I am starting a blog for the millionth time....and hopefully now, I will keep this one....for real! I am not new to this thing but not an expert either so please bear with me... I came up with excuses to start a new blog, here it goes:
1. I want something new. This time, I don't wanna waste time reconstructing a broken piece or find myself crying over spilled milk.I just want something new.
2. I want to write. Again. I miss this. I no longer keep my diary, I no longer write on my wishlist, and I no longer write,whatever.
3. I have an excuse to stay on the computer, longer........
4. I want to share thoughts that cross my beautiful mind! I want to know how it feels to talk to an empty room..once again..
5. I want to talk about myself. Finally a place where i can do that.A slight touch of narcissim is coming..hehehe!

So, I guess I'll see you next time.....